I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
