u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
