How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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