I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize