I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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