Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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