so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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