My liver just broke up with me...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?