OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think my mom watched the whole time
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
