My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist