if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
