We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends