The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?