mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won