I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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