I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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