If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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