You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
