I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
