you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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