You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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