Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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