Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
