Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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