I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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