I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
