We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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