addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
