The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we're so committed to being not committed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
