She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
