Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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