Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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