My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
