Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
