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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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