After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
