dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
