There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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