If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
