my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
