That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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