Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
