puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
