I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
