No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
