whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
