I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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