you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
