you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
