we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
