HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
