Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
