so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
