i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
