they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found your dick twin last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
