is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
