He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
