fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
