And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize