i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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