he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
