I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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