She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
