Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want nice things and good sex
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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