I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That was before I lit my hair on fire
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
