How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
