i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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