This girl is more easily done than said...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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