I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
