just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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