yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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