Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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