I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Life is so much better after having sex.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
