oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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