How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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