porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
