Plan B is the new Plan A
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
