i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
