After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize