Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
