I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
