Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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