I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
