Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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