I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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