It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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