Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
