Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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