i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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