Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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