I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
